Over a year ago now, there was this song released by John Legend called “All Of Me” and it was heard on the radio on the way to work one night. The impact of the song was so powerful on me that I had tears coming down the side of the face as I had the awakening that I was in love with the person that used to be the only person whom ever was truly the best friend.
It was nerve wrecking at the time because I was afraid to tell her how I felt but I did any way thinking that I may as well say something now and be rejected rather than sit in the agony of never speaking up. After years of feeling alone, even during my own marriage and friendships. Life was rather boring and all I did was work because there was no one special whom took my heart by surprise. Until this moment.
It was the most beautiful memory of listening to this song over and over again. Found another version with Lindsey Stirling whom is a violinist and made it even more special. That song truly described how I feel and how I even feel today. The love is still there for this beautiful soul whom lit me up in ways no other person ever did. The perfect dream come true to fall in love with the best friend without even knowing. To just happen naturally was the greatest thing to have ever happened.
Even spending 5 minutes with this person made my day so much better. No one has ever been able to do this for me as I have never felt a connection like this before. It was the most beautiful experience and I doubt anyone can ever replace that beautiful feeling of friendship that I had with this person. No one can ever be this amazing person that used to be in my life.
Then something happened and it tore the heart into so many pieces that I gave up. Following guidance from experts and then the whole friendship is destroyed because of stupid illusionary belief systems.
We can look at the whole situation and say it was meant to happen as the journey I went on brought me more awareness than ever before. Discovering what I am and what I will eventually do. What I discovered as a result is that I’m so unique that there is no need for me to even think about love, family or friendships because of what I am. I’ve tried connecting with other people and am unable to say anything because of how limited they are. So I’ve given up on the whole idea of relationships. I do not see the purpose of them and I’ve given up on trying.
So for months on end, I’ve tried to suppress and block all these beautiful emotions that I have as the sadness within the soul was getting too much. Wishing the person was in my life again. To share what’s been happening, what has been discovered and well… Speak about everything because after all… That was what she was. The best friend. Never been able to speak so freely without judgement to anyone before apart from the spirit realm.
When I felt like that I was doing better. Feeling better and more confident. Thinking that maybe I should just give up on myself and my own values. This song comes on to the radio and just speaks the truth about what it is that I’ve been enduring the past few months. It really does describe it so perfectly as just a single moment spent with this person can change my day in ways that cannot even be described.
The one person whose smile is just so beautiful that it’s the most wonderful thing to see. To see a soul so beautiful and wonderful was the greatest thing. She really is someone truly wonderful.
So this post was meant to be about how two songs featuring John Legend can pretty much some up how I feel and turns into memories of the best friend whom to this day admire with everything I’ve got.
What the most hardest thing to do was accepting that that friendship is over. Accepting that I’d rather be alone and not have people in my life any more and that that is the best thing for me. Don’t need anyone in my life and it’s better that way.
So that’s why this song below is just so beautiful. It puts my emotions and how I feel into a way that I couldn’t express before. It’s beautifully written and it’s true.