Another sleepless night and an opportunity to explore ones own mind. The biggest thing about going through a transformative process is the things you need do in order to grow and change.
I used to be very active on a few social networks but as of last night. I bid farewell to Google+ & twitter as I found myself constantly checking for things for no reason. So, in an effort to break that habit… Although, I was sitting on the idea for doing so for a few weeks as the only reason why I was using it was not happening anymore and I found myself with posting random bull shit.
I found one post about Ancient Lovers which triggered something inside of me and it went deep inside, I intended that to be the last post from me. I was over it… I had to break the addiction because it wasn’t healthy for me. Not to mention the crazy stalkers… My gosh!!! I thought women only got them… It was getting just too much for me. I am a person of loyalty and morals and I felt like I kept getting tested with what I truly want in my life and I had enough of it. Delete away!!!!
Anyway…. Moving on with life….
One of the things I’ve had to do is embrace a break and allow other people to connect to see my true self. Which I’ve never done before until recently, very recently. It has been one of the biggest hurdles to overcome and it started with family. Repairing the relationships that I essentially blocked and I find today, friends telling me that they wish they had a friendship with their siblings as I have with my sister.
Having to make the touch choices of letting go of things that do not serve us well is the most toughest thing to do and it’s only my experience that we grow the balls to do it. To say to ourselves… “I deserve better than this”, “I want something more than just this”…. I was stuck in a dark hole for almost a year and everyone tried to help me through. I do recall a number of bruised arms as the best friend kept punching me in the arms a few years ago when I embarked on this journey.
What made the biggest difference in my life was someone with a heart so beautiful, whose soul I admired greatly and to this day, I still call her my hero as what she instigated was the biggest movement I’ve ever gone through in my own history. The quest to find out who I truly am only really began in November of 2013 and oh shit… What a journey has it been!!!!
I look back at the past and just see a lost child trying to find his way, a place to belong and that he kept going forward, kept growing and he got to a point where he can say… I did it, I’m complete. Just a few more tweaks to go and I’ll be complete & whole. I know this because my heart tells me so…
I’ve been fortunate to have the greatest group of friends around me that have supported me. To be able to go to them in need when they’re going through their own troubles. To even allow them to see whom I really am as well… One thing I refused to do before.
In the end, everyone has their own journey, their own story and all they need is someone to believe in them because at the end of the day. Everyone is unique and we all struggle to find our own peace. This is possible, nothing is impossible.
I’m looking at writing a book in the distant future to help people through the turmoil of a mind that constantly chatters, is self sabotaging and to begin the process of creating a peaceful and harmonious life.
In the end… Dream big as dreams do come true.