There are of course many cases in which a person meets someone else after a break-up, begin a relationship and last until the end of their lives. They could be happy and in love or not, and this is determined by their ability to let go. Beginning a relationship immediately does not solve the problem. It might give us the impression that we are no longer alone, but we are. Is is also an illusion, as it is very likely that the new relationship is born precisely out of what we are trying to escape; loneliness. Until we don’t learn to be alone, we can never have a healthy relationship with anyone.
Some people continue seeing each other after the relationship is over. They might keep having casual sex or linger on the idea that the relationship could be resumed. It is often the case that they keep each other company until someone else comes along, but exclusivity is no longer on the table. It does happen that people get back together. A break-up is not necessarily final. When it comes to relationships there is not absolute truth, although after the first break-up our issues with trust often interfere with the way we feel about the other person, especially if they have seen someone else during that period. This is the phase in which people talk, revisit past concerns and try to revitalise the relationship by trying to make sense of it. The intention is always good, but at this point it might not be solid enough to make it come alive again.
Keeping this energetic attachment influences the kind of person that is going to enter our lives next. And this will be a person with similar feelings to the one who left. They will not be enough either and they might also be still attached to an old relationship. We all have an old flame that got away. What this means in present terms is that neither are entirely present in the relationship. If you listened to your partner talking about an old lover endlessly, whether this is in a negative or positive way, their heart is not yet healed. It does not mean that they want to be with them or they don’t love you, but that they have not ended the relationship and there is an energy that keeps them somehow away from you.
At the same time, thoughts and dreams of them will continue haunting us, bringing uncomfortable emotions. It is fine to think of others, after all, they belong in our lives, but for as long as these memories and thoughts bring up emotions of any type, we have not yet let go completely. Even when we despise someone the energetic bond is still there. To understand the way in which energy works in this process, imagine that you are with you current partner years later and you feel pulled by the thought, memory or feeling of an old lover. Immediately you will feel an emotion hard to explain which will take you away from where you are. Whether you know it or not, your partner will feel this energy, even if they don’t feel it physically. These energies make relationships crumble, as when perceived, others also feel uncomfortable, raising doubts. Doubts lead to insecurities, followed by arguments or disagreements and yet again, we are facing the same or similar situations that we had in past relationships.
When you wonder why new partners end treating you as you were treated in past relationships, here you have the answer. You have not yet moved on from past relationships, a pattern has been created and every person that comes into your romantic life will end behaving towards you in similar ways. This is the reason why letting go is crucial in order to have a healthy relationship. Being aware of this fact is a way in which we can begin to change these patterns and heal. You could be currently in a relationship with the love of your life and be affected by this. Awareness is the first step to change. It doesn’t have to be a drama, but a gradual process which can be achieved with a strong intention.
Letting go can be a long and difficult process and if there was any interest I could give a few tips on how to do it. I have written a book waiting for publication about this process and how we can turn heartbreak into a positive experience, as well as the benefits of letting go. There is only so much I can include in a blog post, but I could give some ideas about how to do it.
This blog post has been written with the intention to create awareness. It is not the solution, but it is possible. Let’s begin with awareness as the first step to improve our romantic relationships.